What to Say to Loved Ones With Dementia
You’ve always known what to say or not to say to your mom or dad. Unfortunately, now that they have dementia, even the most well intended words can be emotionally detrimental. Experienced caretakers can help you with what not to say to loved ones with dementia. Avoid comments and questions like these:
“What did you do this morning/last night/yesterday?”
Dementia affects a person’s short-term memory unevenly. Your dad could very well remember that he played cards Saturday morning, but forget that he weeded his raised garden bed on Sunday. Failing to remember will just make him feel frustrated and inadequate.
Good: “I remember when.” Not good: “Do you remember when?” Worse: “Don’t you remember when?”
You and your parent share lots of memories, so it’s natural to bring them up like you always did and feel sad, or even hurt, that mom doesn’t remember your choir solo in eighth grade. But questions meant to prod memory are also best not to say to people with dementia. Look at the memory as a story you can share. She may remember, she may not, but either way it will make her smile.
“That’s your shampoo. Your shampoo. Your shampoo…”
People with dementia will sometimes ask the same question over and over. You may be tempted to repeat the answer until they “get it,” but there is no clinical evidence that this works, and the person may feel they are being ridiculed.
“We took Dad here to the pond to fish and he had such a good time!”
This is a common mistake never to make: discussing your loved one in front of him or her without including them in the conversation. Similarly, never talk over their heads or across them as if they are not there.
“Your brother died seven years ago.”
This is something professionals advise not to say to someone with dementia. Your loved one may forget a spouse, sibling, or even a child is deceased, and it’s only natural to want to bring them back to reality. But it does more harm than good. In early stages a gentle reminder is best, but when the disease is advanced, reminding them will only cause them to relive their grief. There’s nothing wrong with making an excuse for the person’s absence.
“Do you recognize me?”
When a parent’s dementia is in its late stages, it’s a sad fact that he or she may not know you anymore. It will only cause them distress to try and recall your name. Just greet them and introduce yourself.
Mayberry Gardens provides Memory Care for your loved ones at all stages of dementia. If you would like to give a parent or grandparent the best living environment, please contact us today.